You.

okay, so this is a thought that I dig out from a piece of paper written when i was with you.

I...I...I love you like a love song baby.
cause you'll be in my heart.

I ain't perfect but I've tried.
sorry, I can't be a perfect girlfriend.
I can't be like your ex, maybe, she's far better than me, she can go all the way to your house just to pass you porridge when your sick. she can spend time cooking for you, she's the best, I can't win her in your heart.
and up till now, I still feel very insercure, I'm scared of losing you, but I know one day, it will happen. either you leave or I leave, either you go or I go.
all I can do is everyday sit and watch than act.
it's destiny or fate.
I'm sorry I can't bring to you happiness, care, love that you wanted, I only brought you tiredness, irritating nonsense, sadness to you. I'm sorry.
sometimes I think that leaving you was better for the both of us, because, actually, I'm tired of fighting those fears, fighting those insecureness, every morning I wakeup fighting, hoping, wishing that you won't cheat, you won't leave me.
could you tell how much pain I was going through?
my heart's bleeding, crying; my mind, full of thoughts; this is going crazy.
I'm just a useless and good for nothing bitch, getting jealous easily, throwing trantrum as and when I like, saying things which hurts people, complaining, acting crazy, yeah, I'm like that.
I hate my life. I hate all these. I hate being sad. I hate crying myself to sleep!
the reason why I always get bullied is that I'm ugly, fat, nice to bully, always keeping quiet, keeping everything in my heart.
I will never learn to open up my heart, I keep bottling up everything till I'm numb.
I could never make my family proud, could never make people happy.
no one understand and no one will.
everytime when I want to pour everythig out, no one would lend my their ears, and shoulders, no one knows I'm sad, I ended up crying to the four pillars and myself.
im suffering all these alone and it's killing me.


yeah, that's the end of it.