one month, its keep chanting in my mind one month, one month, one month, and it seems like i can go mad anything, i am crying every single day, but there is nothing i can do to ease the pain, crying no longer helps, now i start to bite myself, work myself to sorrow till i cant feel anything but it isnt helpful at all, friends told me not to think about it, stay strong and cheer up.
but i cant, i am a weak duckling...
i told myself its not worth crying, that i should stay strong and be happy, and not to think about it, but i cant! what else you want me to do?
i dont want to wish and hope anymore, cause in the end of the day disappointment will come.
i'm crying to myself, my heart is bleeding, i never felt so hurt before...i still remember every word you said, i said i want to break, but you told me its because its boring and keep holding on, i am letting go, yet all these dont want to end, hey! you see! decision is made by we human and not nature, we are the one we holds it, you said were drifting apart, but you think i want it? i am trying my best, all the hurt that this relationship has cause is the one that caused it to drift. yeah! so what you said those i love you were fake? i really dont know, only you can answer it.
maybe a one month break is a good thing, maybe its not. taking a break from each other and start a new is a good thing, but one month without each other, how will you feel? some say that it hurts, that the both parties will come to a point to understand how much they need each other, but i dont know. i am confused, i cant think straight, i comr get to a point to calm myself dowb and think about everything, whenever there is a stuff, place or whatever that reminds me off you, i start to tear, even reading your msg over and over again, made me tear too. it reminds me of how sweet you were in the past, how much you use to care and dote, have you all forgotten?
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
afterall, maybe its just me and my emotional. i cant it anymore, i am slowly leaving...
i need you and use just tell me to do what i want, bye, like what the heck, i am over here crying and breaking down for no apparent reason, and you ask me to go do what i want, i need you, yet you dont know, forget it, i dont need it anymore!
i am feeling so fucking useless, tears keep flowing out and i cant stop it, fuck all this!
i need you and use just tell me to do what i want, bye, like what the heck, i am over here crying and breaking down for no apparent reason, and you ask me to go do what i want, i need you, yet you dont know, forget it, i dont need it anymore!
i am feeling so fucking useless, tears keep flowing out and i cant stop it, fuck all this!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
after all we have been through, you were still holding on, standing firm and strong, thanks baby, thanks for all the chances you have givent me no matter how many mistake i made. i am sorry for hurting once and once again. i aint a good girlfriend actually, too many thoughts on my mind, too many think i am thinking off, i dont know why its feel like its troubling me, it is me who cause all these extra thoughts, but it was also a good thing actually, whatever i said that you dont agree really pissed you off, that is what i can tell. yeah! i cant see that you really cherish this relationship alot for all your ex, thanks for lasting with me for so long, i finally broke your record of your longest relationship (Y) haha.
after thinking back what has happen, i just realised that after ecery quarrel you would want to see me, why is it so? the answer to myself was because, you were scared to lose me, because you know that one day if i couldnt take it i would leave, and you wanted to know that i'm still by your side with you. whether this answer i have is correct or wrong it lies within you.
you always know when i needed you the most, you always know how to make me happy, you always know that you will be there if i got any problem. but i dont know, all i know is stand and wait there waiting for something to happen to you and hear you out, i never once leave.
you told me before if i leave you, you will do silly things, and you told me before that you will wait for me, but baby you gotta to know that once i leave i aint turning back like what you did, i wont be soft hearted anymore, i wont be nice, and you will see a 180 degree change in me, i will no longer be the same girl i use to be. there's so many thing i wish you would know.
1. i aint as strong as before
2. stop making me disappointed
3. dont joke around about things you know that will cause a quarrel
4. i am still scared of losing you
5. dont ever go around flirting other girls
6. never cheat on me, if you do these, there is no room for anything
7. when i am tired of everything, i will leave
8. i get tempremental and moodswing easily, and you gotta give in to me
9. i never wanted you to leave
10. i will love you no matter what happen
shall be heading to thailand on 12dec with grandparents, during baby chalet, its sometime off from each other, that is what i really needed the most, after so long, but i gotta admit both of us need a break off.
and baby agreed to meet me before we go off and when i come back, which is probably a few hours before my birthday, crap much! but still that is what he say, and celebrating our 7th month together, i seriously hope he can spend the 3days with me before i head off to thailand. gonna miss him much plus parents and brothers, gonna get lots of shirts and some soveniors? heh! and see whats there to get baby and parents, brother? not buying for them >< kekeke~ shall buy toys >< gonna spend spend spend!
after thinking back what has happen, i just realised that after ecery quarrel you would want to see me, why is it so? the answer to myself was because, you were scared to lose me, because you know that one day if i couldnt take it i would leave, and you wanted to know that i'm still by your side with you. whether this answer i have is correct or wrong it lies within you.
you always know when i needed you the most, you always know how to make me happy, you always know that you will be there if i got any problem. but i dont know, all i know is stand and wait there waiting for something to happen to you and hear you out, i never once leave.
you told me before if i leave you, you will do silly things, and you told me before that you will wait for me, but baby you gotta to know that once i leave i aint turning back like what you did, i wont be soft hearted anymore, i wont be nice, and you will see a 180 degree change in me, i will no longer be the same girl i use to be. there's so many thing i wish you would know.
1. i aint as strong as before
2. stop making me disappointed
3. dont joke around about things you know that will cause a quarrel
4. i am still scared of losing you
5. dont ever go around flirting other girls
6. never cheat on me, if you do these, there is no room for anything
7. when i am tired of everything, i will leave
8. i get tempremental and moodswing easily, and you gotta give in to me
9. i never wanted you to leave
10. i will love you no matter what happen
shall be heading to thailand on 12dec with grandparents, during baby chalet, its sometime off from each other, that is what i really needed the most, after so long, but i gotta admit both of us need a break off.
and baby agreed to meet me before we go off and when i come back, which is probably a few hours before my birthday, crap much! but still that is what he say, and celebrating our 7th month together, i seriously hope he can spend the 3days with me before i head off to thailand. gonna miss him much plus parents and brothers, gonna get lots of shirts and some soveniors? heh! and see whats there to get baby and parents, brother? not buying for them >< kekeke~ shall buy toys >< gonna spend spend spend!
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