"trust me, i know howit feels; to cry in the shower so no one will hear you. to wait for everyone to fall asleep, just so you can fall apart. for everything to hurt so badly, you just want it to end. i know exactly how it feels."

 yes. sometimes i will cry in the shower so nobody know that i am crying, sometimes, i just feel like giving up everything i have now and just end my life like that.

i dont know how long more could i  be strong enough to pass through every obstacles, and in fact, my heart is already dying and numbing up, i feel so tired...

i didnt blame anyone for anything, and if really one day i just go, i just want my family to stay strong, united and happy, please dont cry, i dont want, and deeply, i love you all very much.

and boy...life still continue, move on if i really did go, i didnt blame you for those hurts and sadness that you have cause me, and i want you to be happy, continue with another better girl, the one who will suits you better, and treat her well if not other guys would, give her everything she wants, love her, trust her, and never cheat or lie to her, dont grieve on anything because i didnt.

i know its stupid of me to just end a life just like that, but seriously i am way too tired, although i may laugh and smile, act like one crazy woman, but no ones will know how hurt am i deep inside, and sometimes even me, myself doesnt know, i feel so lost at times, but no one was there to guide me, i dont know what to do, all i could was to sit down there, face the four dead white pillars stare at it and wait for time to pass...

but still life have to go on, thats for sure. 1 more day left.