after everything you said, it really kills me, i no longer think that we were meant to be together, i dont know why do i need to keep holding on.
you will never know how much i cried for you, never know how much i give in and did for you, you will never know.
it was my fault to make you so tired, but do you think i even wanted too? i feel so disappointed in myself that i cant keep promises i keep breaking it, but i never did meant too. its hard. they are your friend, so am i their friend.
you only know how to push all the blame to me, what about your friend? you dont find fault at them? you wont! i am tired of all these, so do you. you giving up so easily...i really am disappointed in you.
maybe its better for me to leave, maybe its better fot me to end everything, i am tired of crying myself to sleep, tired of every single thing. then can i ask you, where are you when i needed you the most? answer is that you are always with your friends enjoying, at lan gaming. everyday i look at the mirror wishing that one day everything will change, everything would turn out different, but it never see to be coming through.
i took all the blame, your friends, mine and yours, i never did one time say anything, i even let you lecture, put everything in the risk of ending, do you know how much it hurts? maybe it was me who brought everything upon.
but can you put yourself in my shoes?
when its really time, i wont say a thing and leave.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
a circuit.
life is like a circuit, in parallel or in series. wire, light bulbs and switch is needed to connect it into a circuit, is like life.
wire are like the road of the life, connecting every pieces and obstacles togeter, switch is like your heart, on, off or dying mode, light bulbs are like the emotions of your life, when you are happy its on, when you are down its off, and when you are moody or neutral its dim. isnt it like life?
when you hit an obstacles or a problems in life, the switch ans light bulbs is there, nothing can tear them apart, love could be like this, ups and downs, highs and lows, happy and sad. nobody can predict what will happen next because its all predestined. nobody can change what has happened once, but to learn from it. people say: "nothing matter what happens, never give up, live your life to the fullest and enjoy every bits of it, you wont regret." but sometimes no matter how to live your life to the fullest, there will still be regrets because someone special might leave you. life isnt easy, so does relationships in love. nothing isnt easy, you arent a genius, you cant solve every problem, nobody can, even a genius cant. i keep complaining that i am tired, i might just go one day, but it isnt that easy, in order to leave everything behind, you need alot of courage, even to pick up from every lesson, everyone has its reason, has its problem, but if everybody couldhave been united, problems would have been solved easily, if these world doesnt have chaos, doesnt have hatered and everyone can forgive each other easily, wouldnt it be world peace? as i said life isnt easy so does releationships, it gets really tiring at times, it gets really hurtful at times, but if we could put in more effort, we would get less hurts and tiredness.
life is like a circuit.
wire are like the road of the life, connecting every pieces and obstacles togeter, switch is like your heart, on, off or dying mode, light bulbs are like the emotions of your life, when you are happy its on, when you are down its off, and when you are moody or neutral its dim. isnt it like life?
when you hit an obstacles or a problems in life, the switch ans light bulbs is there, nothing can tear them apart, love could be like this, ups and downs, highs and lows, happy and sad. nobody can predict what will happen next because its all predestined. nobody can change what has happened once, but to learn from it. people say: "nothing matter what happens, never give up, live your life to the fullest and enjoy every bits of it, you wont regret." but sometimes no matter how to live your life to the fullest, there will still be regrets because someone special might leave you. life isnt easy, so does relationships in love. nothing isnt easy, you arent a genius, you cant solve every problem, nobody can, even a genius cant. i keep complaining that i am tired, i might just go one day, but it isnt that easy, in order to leave everything behind, you need alot of courage, even to pick up from every lesson, everyone has its reason, has its problem, but if everybody couldhave been united, problems would have been solved easily, if these world doesnt have chaos, doesnt have hatered and everyone can forgive each other easily, wouldnt it be world peace? as i said life isnt easy so does releationships, it gets really tiring at times, it gets really hurtful at times, but if we could put in more effort, we would get less hurts and tiredness.
life is like a circuit.
Friday, October 14, 2011
A day out with love . 14102011 .
yesyes! when out with valentine to vivo for 3hrs of singing! :D awesome much .
sing until my voice almost ran away from me :( aww...
yeah, when to get so foooddddd~ yum yum... andand , baby , fell asleep for 3plus hrs , and i am lonely for that long .
i find baby a pig :x heheh ! keep sleep sleep sleep !
but still anyway , i love this baby of mine <3 !
just past our 5th month recently , time really pass so fast ~
exams are over ! (Y) time for some slacking :D when the results is out , dooms day !
but nevermind , i dont mind ><
need some rest , minds off !
sing until my voice almost ran away from me :( aww...
yeah, when to get so foooddddd~ yum yum... andand , baby , fell asleep for 3plus hrs , and i am lonely for that long .
i find baby a pig :x heheh ! keep sleep sleep sleep !
but still anyway , i love this baby of mine <3 !
just past our 5th month recently , time really pass so fast ~
exams are over ! (Y) time for some slacking :D when the results is out , dooms day !
but nevermind , i dont mind ><
need some rest , minds off !
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
i never told anyone howi really feel, i dont want anybody to know how much i am going through, but i am tired of crying myself to sleep, tired of being disappointed, tired of worrying and being scared of losing you. i am really really really tired, but you never know.
i feel so insercure, i am scared really scared.
when its time i really would go, i will let you find your own happiness, if a relationship has an expiry date then what for is it call a relationship?
boy...i love you, but i am really hurt.
i really could no longer smile and laugh, my days are really moody, i can breakdown anytime, i am weak.
i am not me. i really want to be alone now.
i feel so insercure, i am scared really scared.
when its time i really would go, i will let you find your own happiness, if a relationship has an expiry date then what for is it call a relationship?
boy...i love you, but i am really hurt.
i really could no longer smile and laugh, my days are really moody, i can breakdown anytime, i am weak.
i am not me. i really want to be alone now.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
when it is time to leave i will leave, i dont need wait for you to dump me or whatsoever. eventhough you just say for fun or what, i dont bother, all you need to know is that one day when i cant take it i will leave like how your maid does, leaving silently without saying anything.
my heart is numb and dead.
i may be weak right now, but once i leave, dont regret.
i am tired of all this nonsense, everyone has a limit in everything, i am not a robot, even a robot has a tolerance limit, although it isnt a human.
one day when i dont care about how you are, i will not be soft hearted again.
i have given in, i have tried my best, is this is the outcome you want then let it be.
i'm not fit for you then...i shall let go.
you never know how much your words hurt me, until you go through it.
i am not like other girls, dont expect so much.
my heart is numb and dead.
i may be weak right now, but once i leave, dont regret.
i am tired of all this nonsense, everyone has a limit in everything, i am not a robot, even a robot has a tolerance limit, although it isnt a human.
one day when i dont care about how you are, i will not be soft hearted again.
i have given in, i have tried my best, is this is the outcome you want then let it be.
i'm not fit for you then...i shall let go.
you never know how much your words hurt me, until you go through it.
i am not like other girls, dont expect so much.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
"trust me, i know howit feels; to cry in the shower so no one will hear you. to wait for everyone to fall asleep, just so you can fall apart. for everything to hurt so badly, you just want it to end. i know exactly how it feels."
yes. sometimes i will cry in the shower so nobody know that i am crying, sometimes, i just feel like giving up everything i have now and just end my life like that.
i dont know how long more could i be strong enough to pass through every obstacles, and in fact, my heart is already dying and numbing up, i feel so tired...
i didnt blame anyone for anything, and if really one day i just go, i just want my family to stay strong, united and happy, please dont cry, i dont want, and deeply, i love you all very much.
and boy...life still continue, move on if i really did go, i didnt blame you for those hurts and sadness that you have cause me, and i want you to be happy, continue with another better girl, the one who will suits you better, and treat her well if not other guys would, give her everything she wants, love her, trust her, and never cheat or lie to her, dont grieve on anything because i didnt.
i know its stupid of me to just end a life just like that, but seriously i am way too tired, although i may laugh and smile, act like one crazy woman, but no ones will know how hurt am i deep inside, and sometimes even me, myself doesnt know, i feel so lost at times, but no one was there to guide me, i dont know what to do, all i could was to sit down there, face the four dead white pillars stare at it and wait for time to pass...
but still life have to go on, thats for sure. 1 more day left.
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