Dedication; monkey 😘

Yes, I'm finally back. Hehehe!

This posie is for a very very special person :p 

Thanks for coming into my life and making it even more meaningful, and making me laugh and  smile like a mad woman, for allowing me to act stupid and all retarded infront of you and you wouldn't mind >< 

Talking all stupid nonsense with me, and and being there for me when i needed someone.
i never thought that i would fall for you and get close to you in just a matter of days... -twist-
The first time i ever caught notice of you was when you followed me on insta, and i was like hmm, just follow back ba, than you started liking almost every of my picture that i post and one fine day, you just followed me on twitter and was like "hihi, can we be friend" and at that moment i thought no harm making friends with you and tbh, i just gave you my number without much thoughts, and during the first meet up, i was really damn awkward, and i find you funny and friendly and it wasnt a mistake knowing you, and when feelings started growing, i was like "oh no, im really really afraid of falling again and i would get real paranoid and jealous and knowing that alot of guys couldnt accept, so i tried to deny the feelings" but than you exposed me during the night when you send me home and talking out with me about stuffs and shockingly, i was surprised that you could just understand me so well and know that i was hiding all my emotions.
i was attracted to your personality, which was really really interesting one and i fell for it unknowingly
sometimes  i would just wonder why are you just so cute, and  i would just naturally think of you even though im busy, i would just wonder what you are doing. opps, secret exposed :$
I hope that i could be someone important to you and someone that you are afraid to you, because im really really afraid of losing you :/
i hope you enjoy reading this post although it abit too draggy :x
hehe, loves. xx.

Little secrets.

It's been a long long long long time since I did a blog post... :/

So, today, I'm here talking about "My Little Secret." If you know me in real life, you will know that I'm someone cheerful, and friendly I guess. But... Deep down, I'm just someone who is depressed and self harm. 

Being depressed is fine. But self harming, nah. You will be called attention seeker if you did that in society. 

Self-harming isn't something that people do to gain attention, or seek attention, it's just something that helps us relief the pain. You may say its stupid, but ever wonder why we self harm? 

Yes, I slit my wrist with sharp objects. I bite myself when slitting doesn't helps, and even pinch myself till it becomes a blue-black. It just relief the pain. And when nights I feel depressed I would just cry myself to sleep. 

When something is bothering me, I would just keep quiet the whole day. 

This world just feel empty honestly. 

I know self harming isn't a good thing to do, but do spare a thought on people who self harmed, because they have been through too much, and bullying them just makes it even worst. Just imagining feeling worthless, taken for granted, lonely, being picked on, it's never a good feeling. 

Although, I have to admit I still self harm sometimes, but I'm trying to quit it. 

Do just join me in commentating the black ribbon day on 30th November by wearing a black ribbon on your wrist to support people who self harmed, or once go through it. And, if you see people with black ribbon, just go up and encourage them. Greatest appreciation :) thanks! ^^ 

Do remember to tag me @camilletann_ a photo of you guys on Instagram on that day to support people that self harm <3 

Dedication to Valentine ♥

Hello Bbg!  ♥
its been like coming 6 years that we knew each other and our date is  12022010 ♡

Thanks for being there for me when I needed someone, although nowadays we hardly talk otp, and meet up ( thanks to those busy schedule) :( but, I can't explain how much I love you. 

Tbh, you are the person which understand me in and out, the person who stick through with me during my ups and downs, someone that I could rely on, and still standing strong together. :') 

The only person that I could act all retarded with.

Haha, it's sad that we are now in different school, and we really regretted this choice. :( 

If not we could meet each other everyday, study together, help each other out, and not suffer so much now. 

Babe, I know that you have been writing letters and lyrics for me, but I really didn't have much time to do those, and it's been a long, very long time since I wrote letters for you, and took pictures with you. So, here I am, dedicating this blog post to you to make up for the months of missing letters ><

I also feel bad that I think I didn't celebrate you birthday with a cake this year :/ but nevermind, you know I will make it up to you, hehe! :p 

Lets work hard for N's and go into the same school together, no matter what! :)

This photo is super overdue! >< the more recent one is in the other phone :( 

Bbg! Lets meet up for a study date, movie date, food date, and ktv date soon okay? ♡

Hehe! I love you very very very much :* (how many very also not enough) 

Loves. xx. 

2Ds.

Denial and disappointment. 

"I'm just a little bit caught in the middle, life is a maze, love is a riddle." 

It all ended just by the words 'feelings fade'.

It can neither be salvage nor turned back. 

Yes, if you want me to move on, I can. It's truth that it isn't hard for me to move on. 

Expectation lead to disappointment. 

I'm not going to hate or get angry. I don't see a point in all that. I'm just super disappointed with you for what you said you wouldn't turn out to be. 

I don't know what exactly is the reason, but all I know that it isn't that simple. 

I don't want to point fingers at anyone. 

I can't deny I miss you neither I could deny that I miss having you by my side. 

I accepted the fact. 

But reality hurts. 

I drink, cut and cry so that I could ease the pain. 

I don't need you to get worried, because you wouldn't care anymore. 

I clearly know, that if I collapse, I collapse for starving and trying to hurt myself. 

Silly right? 

But it's getting harder to be happy as we grow older. 

I explained, you assumed. 

I tried to solve, you went walking away. 

Next,

I moved on, you regret? 

Is that what is going to happen? 

I fake a smile, act like everything is okay, but it's honestly tearing me apart. 

Dedication to #JVSCO

Yes. Syf is finally over and the farewell has finally been over, I will be leaving, or should I say all seniors will be leaving and officially stepping down after the opening ceremony performance. We all did go through a tough journey especially the sec 1s. I'm proud to have them as my juniors and cca mates. It has been more lively ever since they've been around. Yup. Although we did not get a distinction, but an accomplishment to me is already a hard work paid off. 台上三分钟，台下十年功。
It's sad to say that we didn't bond much, but after syf, our bonds get closer. It's really alright that we didn't get a distinction but what really matters most is the journey and the lesson we have been through together as one, and the experiences/memories we had created for each and everyone. What truly matters is how much we really defeated the enemy within us that tells us to give up each and everytime we get scolded or get tired.
It's was a great 3years plus with you people, thanks a lot! :D

Friendship.

Sorry not posting for quite awhile.
Friendship: someone who you can talk too, trust each other and joke without being offended.
My school clique, it's breaking up sooner or later, and I'm really don't know what the hell is going on.
Girl,
Who was there for you when you were bullied and taken advantage off? Who was there to talk and advise to you when no one bothered. Who was there to accompany you thru the hard times? You may be fat. Not pretty. A fucked up personality. I understand. I been thru it. But why must you my friend always proved me wrong? Why must you let me have the feelings that I made the wrong choice, make the wrong decision.
Honestly girl, you made me feel like I'm left out in the clique instead of you, that you are far better than me, that you are the best of it, and could solve everything. Why, why, why? I'm disappointed.
I felt like I got defeated. I'm pissed. Yes, pissed at you, but it is also heartbreaking. I don't want to fall out, but nothing is already there for me to hold it.
People get tired. People get hurt. No matter what I say, it was out of joke, if you're hurt, than I'm sincerely sorry about it. But have you ever thought about how I feel? Never. You may thing I have take you for granted, but no. You were there for me when I broke up with him. And yes, I'm thankful for that. Ask yourself, are you sensible enough, you need a change in your personality. I reflect at what I do when I'm alone, yes I do. But have you? Yes. I'm crying, because I once told Karin that if one day this clique ever falls apart, it is because of this.
What I'm mad about is, you could just bloody hell not tell me what I did wrong, and could talk about it to other people, but when I ask, the answer i get is "nothing" I feel pissed, because i really don't know what the hell I did to hurt you, if words hurt, than I take it back.
When I'm joking, you took it seriously.
When I'm serious, you took it jokingly.
One day, I will walk away. I will wash my hands off. I don't know how to pleased you people. I'm down, I shut my mouth up, you ask me when I don't talk, and when I start talking, you said I'm noisy. I really don't know. I'm all stressed up, problems after problems, how much more do I have to face.
And who can I talk too, when I'm down, NOBODY. You won't understand. I tried, and tried. Nobody gives a damn to what I say, I wouldn't ask anymore. I assure.
Ask yourself, haven't I done enough for you people.
I may be a pillar for you to lean on whenever you have problems, I spend my time messaging and talking to you about your stress level, but who have talked to me about mine? Maybe I tend to keep it to myself, but if you just look thru me, you'll know.
I wonder, are you people true and reliable.

"Good intentions"

'Tell me is that what happens just for having a good intention....Why won't anybody answer my question
Why is the silence so loud?' -dappy.

Have been feeling down and moody for a few days, I swear I miss my boy alot, but some miscommunication happens. Yes. In relationship, miscommunication or misunderstandings happen. When you mean something good for the person, and all of the sudden, it's like a hurt for the person, I was just trying to be honest, sometimes, you got to know that being honest is not a good things, but at least it's better than lying. I'm the kind of person that I can't lie to someone I love, but if there's really a need, than I've got no choice but to lie.
It's like you didn't mean and wanted to hurt them, but somehow, something's will hurt them.
So, I found out that in order to keep a relationship from going is
1. Trust; without trust, your relationship is a goner.
2. Staying happy; yes, does your partner tell you that when you smile, he will be happy? Yes, try to stay happy at difficult time, be optimistic.
3. Time; why? Because you may start to get insecure and uneasy if you don't put in time to see each other or talk on the phone for a long time.
4. Keeping negative thoughts away; as you know, you start to get paranoid, jealous, and insecure, yes girls, I understand. But in order not to quarrel, you need to stay away from those negative thoughts, as it may hurt them.
5. Honesty; it's something like trust, but in order to get more trust, you got to be honest to each other. No lies in a relationship.
Okay, so is like that is important to keep a relationship going.
I have been lacking of all those, and I think I'm stressing him far too much. I can't keep myself happy, that's why I have all this happening, it's something that isn't healthy partly, and it somehow spoils the trust and the relationship between each other.
Guys always have a hard time telling you how they feel, why? Because the don't want to keep you worried, and trouble you. Yes, they care about you, but they also need to low that you also care for them as much as they care for you, because both of you are both different gender, that's why you tend to be unable to understand how the other party feel.. Yes, but that doesn't mean that you won't be in a wrong when you quarrel. Girls always have their freakish sixth instinct which is always accurate, but not very accurate at times, they tend to overthink. And I swear that when they have moodswings, is really a stab in your heart, because they tend to have uncontrollable temper, and they get irritated or sad at things easily, plus they get really tired, my main, or what I want to say is that you both have to trust each other, and understand each other thinking and personality, even though it may come off rough at times, but don't ever give up, if they don't give up on you, don't give up on them. Girls! Guys also feel insecure too, but they tend not to show it. So. Never do something to purposely hurt them.