random?

so.. guess this will be a super random blog update, my boy have complained that whatever i post one the blog is never nice, so im here to post something nice, since i decided to revive from being a lazy bum :/

the whole holiday have been like passing extremely fast, school is going to REOPEN already *shiok face* i really dont want go back to school, draggy days is coming again (n)
yesyes, on 11 november we went out to celebrate

YOONG's birthday :*

she's finally 15th on that day :D you want see those picture? okay luhs, shall post a few here! 

  

                                                       left: zihua and jingmin; right: zihua and jingwen

  

Birthday girl cake ^^

 

                                                              WOOHOO! Couple face right? 

     

      

polaroids for the day! <3 div="div">

-wink-

                                                           group photo on that day :*

shucks! i seriously dont know what to post! -self slaps-

so the next time our clique meet up without the dear hen was on 14th december when im going to turn 15th! -feeling old-

SEOUL GARDEN (Y)

see the soup?~ 

you should see the amount of teriyaki meat we took! 2 WHOLE PLATE, but than i was still hungry after eating SOOOOOO MUCH! 

there wasnt any nice photos tooken that day, it was ALL unglam :x so not going to post any of it, UNGLAMS~ 

so recently, i went out with hubby to jcube to watch CZ12, it was nice, and we spend lots of money, broke! :(

and yesterday, it was the lazy boy's birthday, went out for buffet dinner with his family, good food~ 

and i really want the photos took with bby yesterday, but it was in his mummy phone :( and it was the first time something nice went out from his mouth *happy* 

okay! so thats all for now :D

"Try".

Sometimes I wonder, why did I even choose that choice.
Why do you make me feel as though we are drifting apart, and fading away, further and further from each other? Why do you make me feel as though I made the wrong choice?
What if I tell you what is really on my mind, would you even bother about it?
Sometimes, the only thing I could do is just cry, cry till I have got no tears left.
Do you really want to know what's on my mind?
I tried so hard, try not to give up, I try...I'm really feel tired, it's only been 2months and I already feel like giving up, I keep asking myself, why do I even choose this? I didn't regret it, but I didn't expect all these, I always ask myself, have we drifted apart? Have our feelings fade? How long more can we last? How long more can I continue? How long more till I give up? What must I do? Will you change? But honestly, I wish I could care less, expect lesser, so I won't get hurt and disappointed. I know I couldn't. And if one day I finally did it, it will be the day where it's the time that I will start giving up. You have seems to stop trying, and start to care less, you seems to change, is it just me or is it the truth.
I wish I could be happy, I wish that I could give lesser. But why?
Many times I tried to hard for your attention.
Many times I wanted more, hope for more.
Many times I expect too much.
And many times I waited for too long.
Many thoughts have been running in and out of my mind.
Is it only when people disliked us being together than you would fight for it? Or is it when there's major problems than you will do it?
What if I tell you that I will leave now? What would you do? What if I ignored you, would you care and get worried?
Have you forgotten everything you said? I guess so.

Afraid.

yes. insecure.

nobody ever made me felt secure.

my parents. my friends. my boyfriend. my ex.

some people say im pretty, while some say im ugly.

who to believe?

i look at the mirror, this is what i feel.

   

the reasons for me to being insecure,

there is so many thing. and if you understand my past, you will understand how  feel.

name callings. criticise. pulling down. laughing stock. 

do you understand?

being called fat, short, ugly. do you think i want it that way, im born that way, what can i do?

i wish that i was perfect, but no one is perfect, i wanna be tall, skinny, pretty, and like every other girl.

dont you hate this?

just because they didnt think it that way, thats why they dont understand, because they think that they are perfect and start putting people down but

when you realise that you are not the pretty one among your bestfriend/boyfriend, you will start to overthink. 

and because i understand all this, because of all this bullshits, i often wonder and feel,

 

 im just tired of everything.

 

its because i dont show my emotions, but that doesnt mean that im happy, its just because i keep every single little thoughts and feelings within myself, its just because i didnt show. just because im nice to bully and disturb but that doesnt mean that i could be bullied forever, that doesnt mean that i wont breakdown. if one day you were to be in the same shoe as me, you would feel this way too. i just kept quiet. 

i just keep rethinking and thinking and thinking.

my mood could just be like rollarcoaster. but once im alone,  i start to be like this.

its because  i know too much things that i didnt wish to know, its because too many things cant be hide away from me, its because i find all ways to escape, but i still couldnt.

all this things make me overthink, but i just cant do anything.

all my life i never felt secure. i just wish too be.